Life realization #2

I got kicked in the pants by God today. I got on a bus that my intuition told me not to get on. I proceeded to slump in my seat, realizing how tired I was after finals week at school. All was well, I kept my eyes on my bike like a hawk, occasionally rolling over scenarios in my head of my bike getting stolen off the front of the bus (a likely story, huh?) After a time an acquaintance of mine hopped on the bus. I was relieved to see someone I knew. I had a nice conversation with my friend and said goodbye, only to hop of the bus, and yes, proceed to walk home without my bike. I noticed about a block later. "Fuck" I shouted loudly then looked around, my self conscious self expecting people to actually stop and notice me. A panic roared within me, "my bike, I just got it put together, I am finally commuting on it, fuck, damn it, fuck, fuck, fuck!". I proceeded to mutter explicatives under my breath until I reached my apartment. In my imagination I saw myself running insanely after a bus that was long gone, in the pouring rain. Poor me. Then, somehow, I stopped breathing heavily and stamping my feet, I felt calmer. I thought fast. I hoped to God the bus wasn't on it's last route to the garage. I called AC transit customer services, but while I was looking for the number on the Internet, waiting for my slow ass computer to load, I got punched right in the gut, by God. "This is what it feels like when you get too attached to objects in your life, and they get taken away." That was it! I understood immediately. I had been obsessing over my bike, worrying about it when I locked it up, worrying about leaving it in my classroom, and yes, creating scenarios in my head of the bus driver and I jointly tackling the soul who decided to steel my $180 bike. Wow, I learned my lesson. Feeling humbled, yet now hopeful, I got to thinking. The bus was 3/4 through its route, with God on my side, maybe I could hustle down to the Durant and Dana stop and I would in less than an hour see my bike being chauffeured up Durant, right wear I had put it when I started my bus journey. It was worth a try. At the bus stop, I found myself accepting the possibilities of my bikes fate, and started to watch the rain drops explode on the asphalt and listen to dancer have a conversation with her parent about her broken foot. I could relate to almost everything she was saying. "Well, I have to keep moving, I don't want to gain weight, and stuff like that" , "I will just go to rehearsal and stand in and do the text parts". Oi. I knew all to well. After a bit of waiting the 51 came, and low and behold, there was my bike. I promptly shoved my way to the front of the line and put on a panicked face. "Sir, that's my bike," I said pointing fervently. "How do I know it's yours?" he said sternly. "Sir, I left when I got off at Parker, and I ran right down here and have been waiting since I realized it was gone". "Take it" he said. And that I did. And I thanked God. I walked home, feeling detached from my bike, like I had put some much needed distance between myself and it. Most of all, while I walked home in the rain, I thanked God for that kick in the pants.

Trips I want to take

1. Backpacking in the Grand Canyon
2. Backpacking in Yellowstone
3. Scotland/Sweden/France-Summer 2009
4. Disneyland-Fall 2008
5.Boston/New York City-Winter 2008
6. Kuai'i
7. Arizona
8. Train trip to Portland-Fall/Winter 2008

Life Updates and Realizations #1

I established this blog about 6 months ago, when I came back to Lake Lure for my annual Christmas visit. Here I am, about 6 months later, writing my third post since Christmas. It is interesting how these homecomings often become times of catharsis in my life, prompting me to write down my feelings and experiences. I think that these trips allow me to sort me out. I have realizations, I make connections, I cry...a lot. Somehow I come out of these visits a little less homesick and a little more aware, a little more tolerant and forgiving of myself while at the same time feeling like I have been shot out of a canon that hasn't been operated for years. With rust on the sides and a grinding of unused steal, I maintain a bumpy, slow launch. I eventually manage to complete the mission and land with an explosion (yet again) in California.

One recent positive explosion in my life is that I have obtained what could possibly be the job of my dreams. I am working for a small private school in Oakland as a teachers aid and a dance teacher. Whammo! Jackpot!

My biggest challenge right now is making income until the end of August as I have successfully and admittedly with relief quit my job as a barista and as a canvasser for the Democratic National Committee.

I will now tell you what I FELT as a canvasser for the DNC.

1. I was campaigning for a party that I did not declare my full allegiance to-therefore feeling like a hypocrite.

2.I hate people knocking on my door asking for money. I feel like it is an invasion of my privacy and sacred space-therefore feeling like a hypocrite.

3.Realizing that my income was essentially commission based. The more money that I raised, the better I got paid. (I hate the fact that the only way one can win an election in this country is through big money.)

4.I do not believe that grassroots organizing means knocking on doors chiefly to raise campaign funds for the DNC. The definition of grassroots is as follows: " the very foundation or source or the basic level of society or of an organization especially as viewed in relation to higher or more centralized positions of power" (courtesy Merriam-Webster dictionary)

While campaigning at the "foundation of society" is necessary, I believe that there are still, better, less invasive ways to get the public involved in a campaign. I feel as though the attitude of the canvasser is that money is the only way to win the White house. I disagree, however naive that may be.

Money can only talk for so long. Eventually the people that are making the money have to start talking, yelling, and hey, even voting.

I see unicorns ahead....

For one reason or another, this year it seems particularly important to make New Year's resolutions.

1. To practice unconditional me love, and work correcting my habit of underestimating myself.
2. To re-incorporate dance into my life- it is time to get back in shape.
3. To go to latihan regularly.
4. To find a new job that I enjoy and supports a comfortable lifestyle of my definition.
5. To find a house where I am warm, a place that I can call home for a while.
6. To reconnect with friends and family and maintain communication, whether it be through a phone call, postcard or letter.
7. To begin to create new artwork.


Walking into the unknown
I am held by an unfathomable force
Glistening in the sky
The starts whisper
I am cradled in the arms of a universe
To large to comprehend
Surrendering
Love
Laughter
Light

Cutting through the air on Christmas Day

I decided to take myself on a power walk Christmas day before dinner. I found myself cutting through the air, flying down the road as if I was projected by something more than my own body strength. I felt as though I had a propeller behind me, one that I imagine now would like like a large boat propeller or fan attached to my lower back sending me through space at lightening speeds. I imagined myself as swiftly sliding through the air, creating wind as I moved through space, pumping my arms in blissful rhythm. Finally finding what it means to power walk. All hail the power walking gods, I finally understand what it is to walk fast in a healthy fashion but not run. Thrilling.

In other news....

Rabbits. What amazing creatures they are. Dancing in the moonlight, hopping and skipping about with their floppy, long ears and always vibrating noses. The species fills me with a delight. I admit to living in a rabbit fantasy world on occasion. A place where these fluffy creatures hop about being their magical selves.

Rabbits are rarely considered magical by the general public, but fuzzy, cute creatures that defecate more than humans think is ever necessary. I count myself lucky not to have a track digestive system operated completely by the amount of food one has in the body. My, it would be terrible having to visit the loo every five minutes, thank goodness for peristalsis and involuntary muscle tissue.

Having said that, my new favorite film is Miss Potter. A film based on the life of the famous children's writer, Peter Cottontail and Benjamin Bunny. I highly suggest it for those who enjoy fanciful, charming flicks...for this film is wonderful indeed.

All hail Beatrix Potter and her fanciful children's books, I think they are delightful. I would be happy to join Jemima Puddleduck and Peter the Rabbit on an adventure any day.